Husband: Have you lost weight? Me: About 10 lbs H: Who you trying to look good for? *wink M: You don’t know him. He’s on Twitter…

I tried to go into a restaurant playing Pokemon go. I couldn’t get in though. The servers were too busy.

Now I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger But she did move to California in 1849…

My door to door VHS sales are taking a nose dive because of the economy.

I love this joke today Knock, knock. “Who’s there?” 9/11 “9/11 who?” You said you would never forget! Sorry if this has been posted recently.. Could be too soon?

Who serves all you can eat rabbit stew? Warren Buffet!

Cause the players gonna play play play The haters gonna hate hate hate Baby Im just gonna bottle it all up & develop severe trust issues

[warning racist] wanna hear a dark joke? africas population

My goal for 2017…. ….is to accomplish the goals of 2016 which I should have done in 2015 because I made a promise in 2014 and planned in 2013

A kid came to my door earlier dressed like a mime, so I pretended to put candy in his basket.