A man walks into a tailor to buy a tuxedo. He confidently tells the tailor he doesn’t need any assistance. The tailor says… … “Fine. Suit yourself.”

If this post on WebMD is correct, I died like ten years ago.

Honked & did thumbs-up to teen goth girl on the street I thought looked super cool & she rolled her eyes & I was like YES EXACTLY KEEP AT IT

Why did the redditor stand on a piece of fruit to check his weight? BECAUSE HE WAS USING A BANANA FOR SCALE

Why is F-time so much fun? Because F-time is Part-E time.

You read for a part, you feel good about it, you feel confident, then they cast Ben Affleck.

This girl I like said she didn’t like bondage….. ….Me either, but you’re the one who said No.

What did the lightbulb say to its mother? I wuv you watts and watts.

Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!

Me: “There are so many exotic sounding flavours these days. I just can’t resist-” Doctor: “YOU NEED TO STOP DRINKING SHAMPOO!”