Saw my ex… Please. She needs to die.

Don’t worry, you are safe Zombies eat brains

We get it car dealers, EVERY Day is a sale day. You don’t have to make shit up like The Saturday After It Rained On A Friday Sale.

I’ve just ordered a procrastinating blowup doll with real orgasm effect It’s coming tomorrow

Just realized some twitter handles are probably prison ID numbers.

What’s the difference between stew haters and steers.

Biggest joke on Reddit r/politics

My dick was in the Guinness book of records… Until the librarian throw me out.

I have the body of a 25 year old supermodel, but it takes up too much space in my freezer.

“Donald is intensely loyal. To family, friends, employees, country.” -His 3rd wife