I went to the barbers today. My wife sent me a text that said we had a pipe leaking. I told the barber we’re going to have to cut this short. I walked out with a buzz cut.

All my life, I never thought I’d wake up at 6am to go jogging…and I was right.

We gave our children old-fashioned names… Our little boy is Hunter and our little girl is Gatherer. – Brian Kiley

What do you call a homosexual man on roller skates? Rolaids.

Malaysia Airlines loses contact with another plane. At least they know where this one is.

What do you give an actor playing the role of an angry street gang member? Mad props…

KNOCK KNOCK… Who’s there? Kicks! Kicks who? Kicks Ronda Rousey for the Knock out!

Romantic comedies are just horror movies where people only die on the inside. Also, my wife doesn’t let me pick movies for date night.

You were probably conceived at home… they say most accidents happen around the household.

There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.