How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? I don’t know probably more than eight, my basement is still dark.

What do you call a Mexican knockoff burger restaurant? Carlos Jr.

[First Date] Me: “I’m sorry. It’s just that I’ve been burned before.” *Stuffs handful of fries through visor in hazmat suit *Closes visor

Why does it suck to work for the NSA during the winter? Because if it snows, you can’t call and say you’re snowed in.

My boss asked me to pick him something cheap up to eat for lunch he wasn’t too happy when I came back with his daughter.

I was once slapped in the face by a girl with twelve nipples… (.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.) Sounds weird, dozen tit?

Toad was always my favorite Mario character He just seems like a fungi.

My tombstone will just say “Deactivated.” I want people to be afraid that I could come back.

My Grandma said I have the voice for the radio… And the face for it too.

Closed letter to the mods of r/Jokes… O