HR: Know why we called you down? Me: Hmm…a raise? HR: You know we monitor internet usage right? Me: I’d like to report a hacking!

Have you been to /r/brucejennerspenis? I heard it was removed.

I’ve been out of work for so long that I’ve almost forgotten how to hate people.

Rudolph is the only reindeer who doesn’t have a stripper name.

My dad was fired from his job in road work for theft… I didn’t believe it at first. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

What’s a russian’s favorite golf club? A putin wedge.

I’d tell you the joke about the pirate But I don’t think its arrrrrrpropriate.

I ordered a chicken and egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.

What do kazoos and my father have in common? They were both around for a short time in the ’90s only to be unheard of from then on.

Everytime I pull a prank on Niagara She falls for it