“i’ll be back” –arnold schwarzenegger getting into a 2-man horse costume

Did you know that the idea of recycling actually came about from a group of pirates? They came up with the idea of the four R’s.

Why don’t the french like kiwifruit? Because of the green piece inside.

What do you call a group of obese gender reassigned persons? Trans fats.

I overheard my daughter asking the little boy next door, “Are you the opposite sex, or am I.”

What does a mathematician get from a day at the beach? Tan lines.

Anyone remember the joke about the dwarf? Can’t think right now, should be easy to remember, it was only a short one.

What’s the difference between little girls and wine? Wine gets better as it gets older

My friend told me that each person creates 10 tons of CO2 a year, and said I should be taking steps to bring that number down so I shot a guy.

me: remember how i was talking about getting a xylophone [doctor holds up my x-ray] where the hell are your ribs? me: im trying to tell you