I read in the local paper someone was going around pickpocketing midgets. I never thought someone could stoop so low.

Q: Why doesn’t Saddam go out drinking? A: Why should he when he can get bombed at home?

I’ll put a comma, after a comma, even if it doesn’t need a comma, to completely, drive you, insane.

Why does Vincent van Gogh always look forward to thenew year? Because everyone wishes him a new ear.

What do pigs do on nice afternoons? They go on pignics.

What do Caitlyn Jenner and WWII have in common? The Battle of the Bulge.

What do you call tea made by a stoned marsupial? High koala tea

My girlfriend told me that it was either her or my Meatloaf discography. I told her I would do anything for love, but I can’t do that.

What’s the most popular pub in the Middle East? The Allahu ak-Bar

I wonder who Rose is going to kill in Titanic II.