Listen up: I wear the pants in this family. They’re a lovely taffeta with a subtle flare to draw attention to my lace-up sandals.

Why was Stalin literally worse than Hitler? Because Hitler at least wrote his own books

Two people who really hate each other can suddenly really like each other if they can find someone else they can both really hate together.

Typos… that’s just how I role.

It turns out if you cry at the DMV they’ll let you take a second photo

What did the Indian man name his sandwich shop? New Delhi 😀

Will Will Smith Smith? Yes… Will Smith will smith

When the atm charges you 3.50 to take out your own money but tells you to cover your pin so you don’t get robbed

My boyfriend said we could only get one cat. So I’m only getting one cat. One pregnant cat.

Here’s a joke for ya. A dyslexic man walks in to a bra.