Father Christmas: What’s your favourite Christmas story? Elf: The one about the ghost that steals porridge! Father Christmas: You mean ‘Ghoul-di-locks’!

Why didn’t Lebron go to college? he didn’t want to show up for the finals

If you see me longingly looking at you at the pub, i’m just wondering if you’re going to eat all those nachos?

What’s the difference between a black man and a bike? The bike doesn’t start singing when you put a chain on it.

Why do cows lie down in the rain? To keep each udder dry.

A homophobe goes to the doctor to see if he has cancer… He says, “Give it to me straight, Doc.”

When I was your age, I was outside all day until dark 15: The batteries on cell phones must have been a lot better back then Me: ………

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? It’s not enough to change the bulb; we have to change the *system*.

Why was the cat so small ? Because it only ate condensed milk !

I’ve been working on my favorite puns… I took ten of the best puns I knew and entered them into a local radio contest, hoping that one would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.