[Interview] “Tell me your weaknesses” Me: Well, I.. *wife busts in* He’s a mouth breather, leaves the toilet seat up, forgets to take out th

– Are you sure? -defenet… difini… difine… YES IM SURE!

[Different version] How to be insulting Never mind, you wouldn’t get it

I used to feel tired and sluggish. nothing could get me out of the house. then i tried MethTM and boy did i burn my house down

I don’t mean to be a party pooper but… where’s your bathroom?

“No. No birthdays, Christmas or modern medicine.. But you sure do make great friends going door-to-door” *Door slams – Jehova’s Witnesses

How is a Bill Cosby better than Ronda Rousey? He’s never met a woman he hasn’t knocked out.

Q: What’s big, red, and eats rocks? A: A big red rock eater.

I started observing extremists Wanted to find out what made them tick… tock… boom

BAlls and Pen*s are best friends Balls to penis: why the fcuk you leave me when u see a hole or 2 mountains? Penis: coz thats the only time i really need you