I was going down on my grandmother the other day… When I tasted horse semen, and I thought “huh, that must be how she died.”

Luigi: You got your own land, world & galaxy. Can I have Mario Mansion? Mario: ok fine [under breath] gonna put a bunch of ghosts in it tho

There is a new Barbie doll on the market – Grunge Barbie …with flannel shirt and a goatee

The photo technician got caught masterbating to people’s photos They charged him with “indecent exposure”

Please Choose a Sears Portrait Background: 1. Autumn Leaves 2. Toenail Fungal Infection 3. Country Cabin 4. Alarmed Possum

Never feel worthless! Your organs are worth thousands.

What kind of juice does hitler drink? Concentrated juice.

There was an old lady at a ATM today, she asked me if I could help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

Knock, Knock… Who’s there? Peas. Peas who? *Peas pass the butter*

In a perfect world a “Party Pooper” would be someone who could shoot confetti out of their butt.