McDonald’s being the official restaurant of the Olympics is like smoking being the official medicine of cancer.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t!

Why are camels known as the ships of the desert? Because they’re filled with Arab semen.

I go to the gym religiously. You know, once or twice a year around the holidays.

Death Joke “My grandfather knew the exact time of the exact day of the exact year that he would die.” “Wow, what an evolved soul! How did it come to him?” “The judge told him.”

Rappers are terrible with pets: the Baja Men let their dogs out, DMX never knows where his dogs are at, and Pitbull is awful.

Two Irishman walk out of a pub. It could happen.

The symptoms of Ebola… … are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea & stomach pains. The exact same kind of feeling that a husband gets when he sees his wife going through his phone and messages ..

50 shades of hay [50 shades of hay](http://imgur.com/YRGs7P0)

I haven’t made egg jokes in a while I thought I’d take a crack at them