“Knok Knock ” -“Knok Knock.” =”Who’s there ?” -“Grandad” =”Shit, stop the funeral” credit: Gary Delaney

My mom let the street raise me, which is why the only things I’m really good at are letters, numbers, and talking like Cookie Monster.

Whats the difference between a priest and acne?? Acne waits until your 12 to come on your face.

84% of Canadians think the preparations for the American blizzard are “cute”

Abortion clinics are awful. But their smoothies are to die for.

Having no tattoos in 2014, is like having tattoos in 1967.

What are the strongest days? Saturday and Sundays. The others are weakdays

“Hi?” -First cow being milked

9: What did that message on the TV say Me: It said, the film has been modified to fit our screen 9: How do they know what size TV we have?

What’s the difference between boogers and rice pudding? Nobody eats rice pudding.