How does a train eat? They Chew-Chew.

So I got a piece of ass this morning… my finger slipped through the paper.

How did the butcher introduce his wife? Meet Patty!

The amount of time you spend cleaning your house before a friend comes over is inversely proportional to the quality of that friendship.

I had a really good joke… but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime

How do animals cross the ocean? On a Gir-raft.

There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary, those who don’t, and those who weren’t expecting a trinary joke.

You’re spending a lot of time at that computer screen. Have you had your eyes checked? No they’ve always been blue!

Ebola has been in the US for 1 day and people are already wearing masks. AIDS has been here for 55 years and fools still don’t use a condom

The best pickup line I have a weapon in my pants. It’s so strong it could destroy Uranus.