Why couldn’t the taxidermist finish anything he started? Because he kept getting side tracked by pet projects

Shout out to Mother Earth! She’s 4.6 billion years old and still getting hotter.

Did yo hear about the Hillary special at KFC? Two fat thighs and a left wing for $2.99

Yo mama is so ugly that she gave Freddy Krueger nightmares.

What do you do if an Elephant breaks his big toe? Call a big toe truck.

What’s a Ninja Turtle’s favorite equation? A radical equation.

A farmer in Devon has made history by growing a field of dildos! Unfortunately she’s had a lot of problems with squatters.

What is the Italian postal motto? We know where **you** live, your family too!

Why did the narcissist with multiple personalities and a propensity for domestic violence only have one black eye? Because she didn’t need to re-beat himself.

just ordered so much food the delivery guy gave me four sets of utensils but it’s okay I still love myself