I Wasn’t Too Keen On The Idea Of Gay Parenting Until I met my wife, who was raised by two dads. That’s when I came to my senses and realized.. NO MOTHER-IN-LAW!

I got the eye of the tiger … and a lifetime ban from my local zoo.

What was the jew doing in the ashtray? Family research.

What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud

My girlfriend told me I need to spice things up in the bedroom… So I told her I would cumin her pussy. (That joke only works sometimes because it’s seasonal)

What Time Is It? Its time for lunch.

If Excel had a record label…. It would be Excel ENT. I’ll see myself out.

What do Romeo and Juliet have in common with melons? They both cantaloupe.

Why did Dory warn Nemo about escaping through the toilet? Because it was a sewer side mission!

Martin Shkreli.