Getting caught under your desk and coming up with nothing in your hand is always so hard to explain.

I accidentally mixed the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter in with the regular butter and NOW I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE!

An M&M for 50 cent!? That’s Ludacris!

My neighbor just threw out the biggest trash I have ever seen.. Boy, I will surely miss Mrs. Jones

Life is like a penis… Life is like a penis, simple, chilled and free. It’s women who make it hard… And kids who make it harder.

Why is it so hard for programmers to get a prescription for pain killers? They have a history with codeine.

What do a baby and a pancake have in common? If it s black it ain t good

I wouldn’t create a palindrome for a Klondike Bar. But I’d… Murder for a jar of red rum.

I’ve had an awful year. I lost my job, broke my leg and my wife’s run off with my best friend… I do miss him.

You what’s great about dick jokes? They’re just so easy to slip in there