Holy Communion: PRIEST:”This is the body of Christ. Take it ” ME:”Uum,can I instagram it first?” *We laughed & then I was excommunicated*

I lost my virginity to a mentally disabled girl last night I wanted my first time to be special.

Is chicken soup good for your health ? Not if you’re the chicken !

I finally found a girl with the same beliefs as my family She believes I’ll amount to nothing as well.

INTERVIEWER: thank u, those are all my questions. do u hav any questions for us ME: yes…why do i want this job INTERVIEWER: [starts sweatig]

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

“And the Lord said unto John…….

If she says, “I’m OK,” you’re fine. If she says, “I’m Fine,” You’re not OK.

Q. “Why do the KGB operate in groups of three?” A. “One can read, one can write and one to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.”

What game do reindeer play in their stalls? Stable-tennis!