I like my women like I like my beer Stout and bitter

“Usain Bolt, Trump regrets/ Gawker downed by Hogan’s sex/ Manafort, Putin’s pet/ Lochte lies then hops on jet/ We didn’t start the fire…”

My friend really changed when she became a vegetarian, it’s like I’ve never seen herbivore!

What did the Texas sheriff say about the black guy who was shot 15 times? “Worse case of suicide I ever saw.”

How do you see if the Ken doll is ticklish? Give him test tickles.

I sexually identify as Counter Strike… *And I’m globally offended*

What do you call a sleeping prisoner? Under a-rest.

You’re not fat. You’re just… easier to see!

Q: What’s the good part about having alzheimer’s? You can hide your own easter eggs.

Why did Sally drop her ice cream? Because a semi truck hit her.