Why do people take acid at raves? Because there’s so much base.

Yo momma so fat She got an event horizon.

Looking for Sympathy? You’ll find it between Shit and Syphilis in the dictionary.

Have you ever worked on a farm.. Because you sure know how to raise my cock!

Oh you’re in the shower? Here’s the seven worst songs from your playlist. – shuffle mode

The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.

Not paying more than $2,000 a kilo. And can we stop communicating through Twitter? I feel like these DM’s are going to go public someday.

Teacher: Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river? Pupil: Because it has four eyes and can’t see!

there once was a wonderful poet who knew that one day he woud blow it cuz his poems woud rhyme most of the time but occasionaly they didnt

What do you call a pile of blessed black waist sashes? A Benedictine Cumberbatch.