“I’d like a nice stiff entendre please.” – Want me to make it a double? “I’ll just take it as it comes.”

You prefer white wine over red? For god’s sake, try and see the world with some claret-y

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over ? Me: You wanted to watch me lick my ice cream cone ? Cop: Just go please

I’m gonna try and shoot the whole school Said the yearbook photographer

What’s miley cyrus’s favourite color? twerkquoise

Hear about psych on netflix? Thats messed up

If an interviewer asks you: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” say “I don’t know, did you see me pull up in a DaLorean?”

No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.

What does it mean to be an Agnostic with insomnia and dyslexia? You stay up all night wondering if there is a dog.

Knock Knock Who’s there ! Agnes ! Agnes who ? Agnes & Topeka & the Santa Fe !