Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? He doesn’t want anyone to know he’s fucking a chicken.

[first date] Me: You into role playing? Her: Kinky, what do you have in mind? Me: You fake a heart attack and we get our meal for free.

Maybe, just once, someone will call me ma’am without adding, “You’re making a scene”

What do you call a monkey in a minefield? A BABOOM!

“What do we want?!” “TIME TRAVEL!” “When do we want it?!” “IRRELEVANT!”

[zoo] “This is the bear kids” Wow I want his arms “What? You cant ha..” *kid shows tour guide 2nd amendment* “Bring him the arms smh”

What do you get when you cross a ghoul and a vampire? A hemogoblin. I came up with this during lecture after a dyslexic moment, thought someone may like it.

Yo mama’s so mean… She’s got no standard deviation!

I’ve no idea why I’m a virgin. But I’m guessing it’s because my Siamese twin is really ugly.

[Dirty] Why do men like golf so much? It makes it possible for them to go from hole to hole with an iron in their hands.