What happens to you at Christmas ? Yule be happy !

When I was a child I played “The Floor is Lava!” But as an adult, I’ve put away childish fancies, and purchased magical lava-proof shoes.

I had to bury my girlfriends cat today… He put up a hell of a fight, but I got him covered up!

It’s find it a tough decision to buy the right mattress… I guess I’ll have to sleep on it.

Why did the USAS with frag rounds fall over? Because it was… imbalanced.

Why do clairvoyants have crystal balls? So they can see what’s coming.

What do you call your friend from Prague who beat you at chess? Your Czech mate

Why couldn’t we get precise kinetic data on the phosphine-catalyzed reaction? The reaction rate was too phos-phor-us

I think my girlfriend might be a vegetarian… …because I’ve never met a girl like herbivore.

A man goes into a bakery and asks for 99 loaves of bread… “Why not make it a 100 loaves?” asks the baker, to which the man responds “who the fuck eats that much bread?!”.