Wife: Maybe its time for “the talk” Me: Ok. Son, cops can’t bust you for the drugs you’ve done, just the drugs you have. Her: Not that talk!

Schrodinger’s Cat is depressed Cat: No one came to my birthday party/funeral

I hate niggers

lol these ppl “don’t see race” right up until you start making beloved fictional characters black, then they’re 18th century anthropologists

What’s the hardest part of milking a mouse ? Getting it to fit over a bucket !

What’s the most trifling thing about divorce when you have kids? Child custardy

Heard this gem in the video game L.A. Noire. Three blondes walk into a bar. You’d think one of them would have saw it.

Bethesda Softworks announce that Fallout 4 will be postponed until April 2016 Don’t worry you are on the jokes section

Why did the fly eat all of the butter? He wanted to become a butterfly!

What do you call a gay dinosaur? A mega-sore-ass.