Guess what came in the mail today I did, I ran out of tissue.

Me: This infomercial is so stupid. *10 mins later* Me: So all I have to pay on the 2nd one is the shipping and handling?

How do you get 50 Canadians out of a swimming pool? “Please get out of the swimming pool.”

Why is it a bad idea to give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll “Let it go! Let it go!” This joke was made up by my 5 year old nephew.

I play with my hair a lot because I don’t have testicles.

*rings bell* “Can I help you?” Yes I’d like a dragon on my back an- *starts pooping on a crucifix* WTF? *checks sign on door* “Taboo Artist”

His son asked him what gay meant. Son: Dad, what does gay mean? Dad: Happy son. It means happy. Son: Then are YOU gay DAD? Dad: No son…… i have a wife…

Found my son and his GF naked in his room, Sex-ED is so advanced. Now, they also give homework!

My stalker just threatened to kill herself if I didn’t love her back. It’s nice when problems resolve themselves like that.;-)

What us the difference between white, brown and black people? The time God took to cook us