Her: What do you do? Me: Global prosthetics distribution. Her: You’re an artificial limb salesman? Me: I prefer international arms dealer’.

Why did the Seahawks win the 2015 NFC Championship game against the Packers? Because even Aaron Rodgers is a 12!

Why should Trump be careful of deporting Mexicans? It could go south so fast.

Abortions are so fun… …they really bring out the kid in you

What did one lawyer say to the other? “we are both lawyers.”

So Abraham Lincoln walks into a bar… …and says, “I’ll have a shot.” Did I just make up a new lame joke, or has this been done before? I think I need to sleep.

Why did the bachelors purchase double amputee strippers for their party? Because they were 50% off!

What do you call a black astronaut? Invisible

It’s called Facebook not Boobbook. So next time try to get your face in the picture too? K thanks.

All I want for Christmas is a stormtrooper who doesn’t miss the target every time he shoots.