Women are like sand. The deeper you go, the wetter they get.

Why were the yearbook students expelled? They shot the whole school.

I once lived opposite a slaughterhouse. The view from my bedroom was offal.

Women who say, “Awwww…” after everything they hear are quite possibly the most annoying assholes on the planet.

I broke up with my penis, so I wrote a song… Called “So Long”.

What does Mexican binary code consist of? Zeros and Juans.

“Describe yourself in 4 words.” Bad at counting.

I want my tombstone to read “Free WiFi” so people would visit more often

Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed razor blade? She gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.

How come I need a complex, indecipherable password to get on Twitter but only a 4-digit number to remove all my money from an ATM?