Hardcore I’ve just changed my first nappy. My wife doesn’t like me wearing them but since I bought Call of Duty it means I get more game time.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? The bitch can suck my dick in the dark for all I care….

Kid Rock must be an Adult Rock by now.

What’s the difference between dark matter and Black Lives Matter? Dark matter has the capacity to leave an impact on a system

Why do elephants have four feet? Because six inches would look silly.

You know it’s a crazy party when the toilets smell less of puke than the dancefloor.

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh. – *My little brother told me this one; hit me with a little bit of nostalgia.*

How did Harry Potter get down the hill? Walking. …………. JK rolling!

Ugh. “What’s wrong honey?” My bad knee is acting up again. *knee robs a gas station*

I let a blind man borrow some money the other day He said he’ll pay me back the next time he saw me