What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter, he’s not going to come anyway. (might of already been posted)

How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the chin

was that your rat running around here? – it is not a rat, it is a dwarf doxie – my cat ate it, meaning that’s rat

what’s harder than closing your blinds? My dick as I watch you through them

It was so hot today I saw a robin picking earthworms out of the ground with a pair of tongs.

Calling your girlfriend Dumbledore.. ..cause she’s the real head master

What’s the difference between a paycheck and a D**k? You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

A midwife delivered a baby and asked the mother ” wow your baby has such lovely hair, does he get it from his dad?” The new mother replied ” I don’t know, he wore a hat”

Boy, I hate small talk. *coworkers all grimace* He’s right behind me isn’t he? *Small talk starts cracking his knuckles*

Why do elephants squirt water through their noses? If they squirted it through their tails it’d be very difficult to aim.