HORROR STORY- U are the only one alive in a post apocalyptic world. U tweet and it gets retweeted!

Do you have hair around your nipples? Is it particularly in the hair-eola? … I came up with this the other night while half asleep. Be gentle.

“Any two-watt bulbs?” “For what?” “That’ll do. I’ll take two.” “Two what?” “I thought you didn’t have any.” “Any what?” “Yes, please.”

Order a pizza then act confused when it arrives. “A delivery for Aaron? Aarons DEAD. He DIED ordering a pizza in this house 10 years ago”

I’m always good at figuring out who dies first in a movie but sometimes directors fuck with me by casting too many black people…

I’ve created a new type of bubble but I don’t know how to describe it. It’s indescribubble.

What did the Cannibal do after he dumped his Girlfriend? Wipe his ass.

What’s the difference between a refugee and E.T? E.T learned English and wanted to go home.

Charlie Sheen Says He Has HIV… Finally a positive in his life.

I’m black, and I really hate it when my white friend doesn’t answer my calls. I guess some old habits never die… White man always leavin’ me hanging