Did you hear about that new lesbian reversal medicine? It’s called Trycoxagin.

I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.

In honour of Agatha Christie, turn off all the lights and kill one of your work colleagues.

So…Donald Trump was on The View today. I kept rewinding it and watching it trying to spot Elizabeth Hasselbeck’s boner.

If our last names came from the jobs of our ancestors… Then I feel really bad for the boys of the “Dickinson” family tree.

I poured my root beer into a square cup Now I’ve just got beer.

Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who’s sick of her bullshit.

just got my nipples pierced! and they gave me a discount because I have so many!

What’s the difference between an art student and a philosophy student? A philosophy student asks you *why* you want fries with that

The boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money…. He serves up a great burger and fries.