my agent sent me a list of my followers & circled all crude avatars in red ink. if i dont block these people it WILL cost me the Arby’s deal

What do you call a bear without teeth? You call that fellah a gummy bear.

Anyone else want to join my all Mexican tribute band? We are called Juan Direction.

I named my iPod “The Titanic” Oh look! It’s syncing now.

Why, yes, that is a banana in my pocket! *removes banana* How did you know? *begins to peel & eat banana* I’m still glad to see you though.

How to get mustard out of your white shirt.. 1) go to a store 2) buy a new shirt

What’s the difference between a women’s track team and a tribe of smart pygmies? The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.

#1: My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.

What do bulls do math with? A cow-culator! (Cue groans)

If you can’t buy a person, you can always sell him.