A clown and a child walk into the dark woods…. The child looks up at the clown and says “I’m scared.” The clown replies “You’re tellin’ me kid, I have to walk back alone.”

Whats the difference between Gabrielle Giffords and her husband……. Her husband flies in a bullet whereas bullets fly in to her…. too soon?

Q: What happens when two snails fight? A: They slug it out.

I hate it when winter comes. It makes my wenis so dry.

When is it ok to snipe police officers? As Dallast resort.

I try to be a good sport, but sometimes I’m badminton.

My friend is so stupid she thought Alabama is a city. Don’t worry, I informed her Alabama is the president.

Sorry about the concussion Steve but it wouldn’t be called a “trust fall” if it worked every time.

Teacher: “Who built the first American car?” Student: “Me Pilgrims.” Teacher: “The Pilgrims?” Student: “Yeah they made the Mayflower Compact.”

When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.