God likes Saturn more than he likes earth Because if he had liked it, he would of put a ring on it.

Q: Why did the Davidians commit suicide? A: They were trying to keep up with the Joneses.

A man fell into a river. Why did he refuse help? He was in The Nile

I asked my best friend if he was gay or not. I never got a straight answer.

Happier than a witch in a broom shop.

Why the new Apple Pencil isn’t included with the new iPad Pro. There is no point.

*Pearly Gates St. Peter: No way! Me as angel: It’s the rules! SP: But the drugs and sweari- M: ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN! Snoop: Fo’ Shizzle.

When Gregor Mendel did his groundbreaking experiments with pea plants, … …it was a classic case of publish or parish.

Timmy walks in on his mother getting dressed… Now you’re thinking of the time you saw your mothers breasts.

“I love the north pole and hate the south pole!, wait I love the south pole and hate the north pole!” ~ a bi-polar bear