A Jew walks into a wall with an erection. Gets a broken nose. What does an Asian get? A broken nose.

Hipster James Bond Movie – Oddjob uses a Fedora as a deadly throwing hat.

*whispers to dog wearing a ‘working dog, do not pet’ vest* psst what time does your shift end?

I’m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.

I’ve never sent out a pic of my penis. I believe that is a sacred thing shared between a man and another man pretending to be a woman.

I like my coffee like I like my women. Black and taken from poor countries when not mature.

I stopped a kidnapping today.. I woke him up

Why didn’t Count Dracula get married? He wanted to remain a bat-chelor.

Why do Call of Duty players hate Lee Harvey Oswald? Oh come on, the man is a stupid camping hardscoper!

A Jewish boy goes to his father and asks for 50 cents… “I don’t have 40 cents. What do you want with 30 cents? Here’s 20 cents.”