I wanted to sue the airline because they damaged my luggage. I showed the badly damaged remains to my lawyer. He said “You don’t have much of a case.”

What Do You Call An Israelite On The Himalayas? Mountain Jew.

Why do elephants where pink shoes? To hide in the grass. Have you ever seen an elephant with pink shoes? No? Good hiders, aren’t they?

Headaches aren’t real.. They’re all in your head.

Good friends are like toasters… If you throw them down the stairs, they probably won’t make toast for you anymore.

What do you say if Chris Brown is your blackjack dealer and you need another card?

For what person do all men take off their hats? The barber.

Why was Easter the aardvark’s favorite holiday? Because he liked aard-boiled eggs!

I’m beginning to worry about my obsession with technology. I told my doctor, “I think I’m addicted to Twitter.” He replied, “I don’t follow you.”

What is big hairy and can fly faster than sound? King Koncord.