If vampires like the taste of blood so much they should floss.

So an anti-vaxxer tells me that vaccines cause autism. So I reply “Oh, so you’ve gotten vaccinated, then?” ~~Sorry if it’s a terrible joke.~~ No regrets

I think Jennifer Aniston was filmed on a green screen in 2003 and it gets released with a different background and co-star twice a year.

“Do you know what this room needs? At least four paintings of lighthouses!” white people

A woman asked her husband “what trait of me do you love the most?” ”My beautiful face? My sexy body?” The husband looked at her from top to bottom, and answered, “I love your humor.”

Where do Russians stream movies from? Nyetflix.

What did the Spanish musician say when he went fishing? Castanets!

I do pull ups to get girls… and pull outs to not get one

Hi, I’d like to order a baby “Excuse me?” It says here you deliver babies? “Sir this is a hospital” [vampire quickly hangs up phone]

My relationship advice is if you’re not single you deserve it.