My Girlfriend Told Me I Need To Get In Shape….. I told her “I am in shape! Round is a shape!”

What does Monica Lewinsky and Soda Machine have in common?

Why did the Native American quit his desk job at the Marriot? He didn’t like dealing with reservations.

How did the dungeon keeper plan for retirement? Collecting stocks and bonds.

What’s the difference between apple juice and apple cider? Your sister doesn’t care if you cum in juice but she won’t let you cum in cider.

If you die in the shower when you’re shampooing do the police have to finish rinsing when they find you or is that the ME’s job. Is it a job

the closest I’ve ever come to a threesome was when I was mowing the lawn and I got hit in the face by two dragonflies having sex in mid air

Banned an 80 year old man for life from attending NBA games. What’s that? Like maybe 10 years?

if you’re in a bathroom & person in next stall sneezes, do you say bless you or just applaud like normal? need answer fast too late clapping

Which is worse, insouciance or ignorance? I don’t know and I don’t care.