With how fat America is…. With how fat America is, I’m surprised their currency isn’t in pounds.

Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common ? A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from !

If your Facebook picture is a photo of a sunset or something inanimate, I’ll assume you have a dissociative identity disorder.

What rock group has four men that don’t sing? mount rushmore

I wonder if Dumbledore ever used the sorting hat to help him with the laundry.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To see his friend Gregory Peck.

Cooper at the end of Interstellar “You know what I like about space travel, man. They get older, I stay the same age.”

4 introverts walk into a bar… What? Were you expecting something else?

Debt collector are so persistent they never leave you a loan

I was out walking my dog when another man with a dog approached me, picked up a stick and said ‘I could throw this stick a mile away and this dog would bring it back.’ ‘That’s a bit far fetched!’