Short Jokes
SNAKE: im gonna bite you SNAKE CHARMER: u are so sexy S: wha- SC: *presses finger to lips* still wana bite me? S: *blushes* well not anymore
SNAKE: im gonna bite you SNAKE CHARMER: u are so sexy S: wha- SC: *presses finger to lips* still wana bite me? S: *blushes* well not anymore
Where is Donald Trump gonna put all of the illegal immigrants once he arrests them? Juantanamo
I can get most of Reddit to hate me in one sentence I’m watching Sword Art Online (my favorite anime) on my iPhone while reading a Minions fanfic on my Wii U and eating bananas dipped in ketchup
What comes after America? Bmerica. I’ll see myself out
Ceilings were just ambitious walls.
Float like a jellyfish, sting like a jellyfish.
My hell is a giant Bath & Body Works store …where all the women answer yes/no questions with “stories”.
The best thing about sharing a king sized bed with your spouse is that if you move far enough away it feels like you’re completely alone.
That chick really knocked my socks off. And I had just finished folding and stacking them, too. Bitch.
There’s a man at the mall wearing cargo pants and a fanny pack, who I believe is in the process of becoming a suitcase.