Why do programmers produce more garbage than others ? Because they (some of them) don’t have a garbage collector.

What kind of joke is the best joke? The one shoved up your ass. (As told by my adorable and naughty 7 year old).

What do men and public toilets have in common? All the good ones are taken, the rest are full of shit. *this is a response to an earlier joke comparing women to parking spots*

Do you know why there’s no sound when Django has sex? Because the D is silent.

I played a piano duet with myself… it was a Heart and Soulo

Women used to always call me ugly, until they find out how much money I make. Now they call me ugly and poor.

Diet, Day 14: I hate everyone. My children are scared of me & I’ve repelled everyone else. But I’m starting to really like pears.

Please don’t tell 9/11 jokes today they’re just plane wrong.

[snowman rings doorbell] Pardon me, but I overheard someone say something about a “snow blower” and was wondering where I might find one.

The worst birthday present I ever got… …was from my grandma when i turned 5. She gave me three socks. When asked why, she responded “because your mom said you grew a foot.”