What did Helen Keller scream when she got mugged? Nothing. It was winter and she had mittens on.

Knock Knock Who’s there ! Blood ! Blood who ? Blood brothers !

Why is the galley the safest place to be on a capsizing ship? Because everything but the kitchen sinks. =D ^(I feel dirty)

My insurance does not cover Jesus taking the wheel. I checked.

I’m starting to think the guy offering to check for lumps inside his van was not as legit as his cardboard certificate claimed.

Coffee at McDonald’s is like sex in prison You’ll have no trouble getting it, but it’s rough.

(bad joke) What’s the best vegetable for stepping on when you get out of the shower? A toe-mat-o.

“Mom guess what I’m getting married!!!” Is he rich? “I think so. His name is Charles Mansion”

What did Hitler say when he put on a blindfold? “I can Nazi.”

TIL I have big fingers or a small butthole.