My girlfriend isn’t a fan of Starwars, says I would have to force her to go. “*ss****SSkkkk****rrowwmm****mzzrreowwwowwww***.”

What is Snoop Dogg’s favorite note? High G.

Sometimes relationships last longer when Facebook doesn’t know about them.

What do UP! and push-up have in common? First you have a great time, but after 5 minutes you end up crying.

Leaving restaurant: “That was lovely” Outside: “Well, it was okay” In car: “I mean, it wasn’t great” Back home: “We won’t go there again”

Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying? A: Only a Bill Clinton supporter is too dumb to know the answer to this one.

Dingo: The dingo community is known for many other things TV Host: What are cooking for us today? Dingo: I’m making my famous baby coleslaw

I heard One Direction released a new album recently… …it’s titled “Ray”

Where do psychopaths shop? In sainsburys *i understand that if your not from the UK this joke probably won’t make sense, or it’s just not funny*

I like to walk up to psychics, punch them in the face and say… “Betcha didn’t see that one coming”