As it turns out, “harder” is a horrible safe word.

How do you get a witch pregnant? You fuck her.

[During Interview] “Do you have any questions?” – Yeah, inTitanic why did Jack sink when he died but everyone else floated?

BREAKING NEWS: Wikileaks founder Julian Assange to release detailed document on what Willis was talking about.

Give it to me straight “I’d really like to have sex with you-” Now give it to me gay “-r boyfriend.”

I am so dwarf that… I am so dwarf that people don’t take me seriously enough to win any competition other than stand up comedy!

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson just found out 2 of his kids are gay… …I guess you can say they are fruity pebbles.

“You made your bed now lay in it” doesn’t really sound like a punishment to me. I love laying in a freshly made bed. And other 5am thoughts

I’m a simple man *bites a pinecone* I enjoy simple things *tosses a gun into a lake* that’s why I decided to let these bees live in my skull

My computer said hello to me It’s a Dell.