What do you call a ghost chicken? A poultry-geist!

The cast of Star Wars VII just finished their first read through (spoilers) Mark Hamill pulled JJ Abrams to the side and said “Can I have a word?”

Why is there so much blood in my alcohol system?

“What are you doing? Are you writing down everything I’m saying?! IS THIS GONNA BE A SONG?!?!” -anyone dating Taylor Swift

There’s both a McDonald’s and a blood pressure machine at our Walmart. Circle of life.

TIFU Your girl was on my lap

My signature move is having my phone connected for hours to a charger that’s not even plugged in.

Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros? Elephino _()_/

8 *walks into the house with covered in mud* Me: MY LORD 8: well that’s a nice way to greet me but no, just your son.