No thanks, dentist’s office that used to be a house

She said, “I want you to make love to me so badly.” He replied, “And that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

A man walks into a bar… Because he forgot he was in Jail

For the low, low price of $14.95, I’ll send you my instructional DVD, “How to Succeed as a Con Man.”

At my funeral the priest will throw my corpse into the crowd and whoever catches it will be the next to die

A repost walks into a bar Bartender says “shit, you again?!”.

Why do girls always walk around in odd numbered groups? Because they can’t even.

I wish I could commute by roller coaster.

How many Ferguson protesters does it take to change a light bulb? None; they can’t change anything.

What did the child with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer.