I don’t care who dies in the movie but it better not be the dog.

Why Wasn’t Hitler Allowed to Host Jeapoardy? He kept asking the contestants if their answers were their final solution.

Sally Why did Sally fall of the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock (Reader says who’s there) Not Sally.

A polite penis stands up when a lady wants to sit down

how many calories are in a horse

I was Hungary… so Iran to Turkey

So in the old days Jesus told me that he needs an ark, I reply : “I noah guy”

[Deathbed Confession] I wish I’d listened to my girlfriend more often. Especially as I crossed the road after she yelled BUS.

Probably my worst birthday was my 9th because my mom was in jail & her boyfriend TJ made me a pinata filled with maggots & hair.

Did you like the movie yesterday? How is Jerry doing at school? It’s a pity you broke up with Mark, he was OK. “Do I know you?” “I follow you on twitter.”