Q: How do you get 27 kids to carve a statue? A: Have everybody chip in.

I was walking through a graveyard this morning and saw a man squatting by a tombstone. I shouted “Morning!” He replied “No, just pooping.”

Look dude, I’m going to need to see alot more chest hair and jewelry if you want into my Disco party

Say ‘beer can’ in a British accent. I just taught you to say ‘bacon’ in a Jamaican accent.

“This surgical knife isn’t sharp,” …Dr. Swiftie said bluntly.

A teenager buys condoms for the first time… The cashier says, “That’ll be $9.95 plus tax.”. Horrified, the boy exclaims “I thought they stayed on by themselves!”

I bought a book yesterday-a real one with paper, and you have to turn pages and everything! Living like a cave person. Life is hard.

The script for the upcoming Tetris movie is terrible Each actor just says four lines and then disappears.

Two generations that were unable to go to bed without their stuffed animals or blankies now feel the same way about their phones.

“Let’s check in with Ted our correspondent in the field.” Ted: “Hey Bob I’ve been in this field for about an hour, and I’m super bored.”