I’m going out with a girl I met online who’s a vegetarian… I’ve never met *herbivore*

What do you get when you mix a red tie and a shit hair cut? Mexico and Canada scratching their heads thinking, how the FUCK!?

Who’s Bill Cosby’s favourite Disney princess? Sleeping Beauty

Turning to an episode of Seinfeld and discovering it’s one you’ve never seen is like finding a twenty dollar bill in your pocket.

What does an alcoholic ghost drink? BOO’S.

What do you call a armless, legless man in water? Bob.

If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster’s feet, what would I have? Two feet of my cock in your ass.

“Blinding Nemo” #BPMovies

23rd Century Scientist: We’re sending you to 1889 to kill baby Hitler. Four words: Stick. To. The. Mission. Henry Ford: Yes, sir.

CW: It’s 11:11 make a wish. Me: I wish I could throw a clock at your face.